The Conquer Series – Strongholds of the Enemy (week 3)
Sexual bondage is driven by the fact that men are dealing with a high-jacked brain, which is why they will have to work hard at recalibrating and reprogramming their brain to purposefully break down the strongholds that have them chained.
We will examine two major strongholds that keep men in the cycle of bondage: your arousal template, which are your sexual triggers; and your trauma profile, which are the wounded areas of your life. In this lesson, we will teach men how to get to the root of bondage and how to put in place emergency procedures to prevent relapse.
Arousal Template and Wounds
Foundation of breaking sexual bondage
1. Break the denial structures
2. Understanding the addictive cycle
3. Accessing the wound
Arousal template is defines what turns you on sexually and is made up of…
• Genetic background
• Family of origin
• Sexual experiences
• Doug Weiss:
o Can be pornography
o Can be imagination only
o Can be a story line
o Can be a body part or type of woman
o If we have “glued” to are the things we will be triggered by and that is your Arousal
• Jes Montgomery:
o Protective mechanisms learned before puberty can define Arousal Template
o Like: Isolation, masturbation, fantasy, pornography
o We tend to go back to what we first learned as a protective mechanism and what became normal at that age
We need to have an understanding of our Trauma Profile and Arousal Template so that we can develop a custom relapse prevention plan
TOOLS TO CONQUER
Why understand my Arousal Template?
1. A relapse prevention plan will prevent relapse from occurring
2. You won’t be caught off-guard
3. Help you identify the reasons we crash without knowing why
Where to start:
• Keep a journal and consider your last acting out
o What were you thinking
o What were you feeling
o What were you being triggered by
• Back up and look for patterns
o Then you will have a target to act with the Truth of God
• An arousal template is a form of sexual imprinting that you automatically return to.
• Your arousal template is uniquely individual
• The more this sexual stimuli is repeated, the stronger the template will become
• You need to know your arousal template and trauma profile in order to create an effective relapse prevention plan
THE HEART OF BONDAGE
Men in sexual bondage have mediated the pain for so long that it happens without even thinking about it.
Bondage is found in the limbic system. This is where those subconscious decisions are made and, when under pressure, it is more powerful than the prefrontal cortex where conscious thought occurs.
• Anger is a secondary emotion. Primarily, when angry, we are dealing with fear.
• Sexual bondage is eroticized rage
o Men would get healed if they would face their fears
FEAR: THE ROOT OF SELFISHNESS
Dr. Tim Jennings:
• Selfishness is fear driven – We were born wired with the need to survive
• When the survival/fear part of the brain is fired up, it impairs the prefrontal cortex where altruism, unity, and reason reside
• Most of our decisions are made on a subconscious level from the limbic system
• The limbic system is what the Bible refers to as our heart and our flesh
• Fear hinders the prefrontal cortex from making rational decisions
• Bondage takes place in the limbic system – our subconscious mind
TOOLS TO CONQUER
• Why is the limbic system at the core of our behavior?
o The limbic system (coping mechanism) is programmed by the time we are 6 years old yet…
o The prefrontal cortex is NOT developed until the age of 25
This is the brakes that help you stop from making bad decisions your limbic system
may be driving you to
• 95%-98% of the decisions we make are subconscious.
• The limbic system is programmed to help you cope and survive
o Acting out sexually is a coping mechanism
o Sexual bondage is about taking coping behaviors and making them a lifestyle
Sometimes you can make decisions out of your pain that can haunt you for years
• Vows are what happens when the enemy takes our imagination captive and we only see the worst o We begin to live our life in reaction to what someone has done to us
• Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV) “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
• We must renounce the destructive vows
• Most father wounds are wounds of neglect
• “Our Father who is in heaven…” Most of us need a father to heal the father wounds in our lives.
ACCESSING THE WOUND
• Sexual bondage is panicking limbically.
o Fearful about your worth and so you act out
o Sexual bondage is about medicating the stress and pain in your life (woundedness)
o I do I know if I have a wound?
o – If you react if there is a stimulus (reactive)
– withdraw or over-react
• Ted Roberts belief was that his value was determined by his performance
o God loved him enough to let him bend a car door in half to get his attention
• Once we discover the woundedness in our soul, then there is a limbic lie that has been inserted right where you are wounded
IDENTIFYING THE WOUND
• Signs of a wound (Doug Weiss)
o Over-reaction is always the number one sign of a wound
o If you can’t tell your story, if you are unwilling to talk about an event
• Men will compartmentalize the wounds in our life (Paul Cole)
o Passion at the start doesn’t mean we have purpose at the finish
• All destructive behavior comes from emotional wounds (James Reeves)
• Emotional / Relational Wounds come from three primary places
o Things people do to us
o Things people take from us
o Things people say to us
• Emotional Wounds
o Have an emotional (relational) source – (what someone did to me)
o Have an emotional and spiritual consequence – (lack of intimacy with others and sin such as unforgiveness, resentment etc…)
• If these emotional wounds are not healed then we cease to develop on an emotional level / the capacity to have intimate relationships with others.
• Wounds create intimacy problems; between God and others
• What will I do with this woundedness?
o Either get into a healing process that address the wounds and develop intimate
relationships with people
o Refuse healing by medicating the pain with sexual behavior, alcohol, success, or any
• When you are wounded it limits you (Doug Weiss)
o Your range of motion in any given area
o The speed to respond
o The strength to apply
• Wounds are not a reason to stay in a cycle of acting out. Wounds are an indicator as to where you need to heal, so that you can stay free the entire rest of your life.
1. Sexual bondage is a coping mechanism to medicate wounds and to deal with the stress of life.
2. Sexual bondage is panicking limbically
3. Father wounds are typically what men in bondage have been hurt by the most.
TOOLS TO CONQUER
• Romans 8:37-39
o If you don’t deal with the past it will rise up and bite you. Something is not dead if it
continues to resurface in your present.
• Journal: The ten worst moments in your life
• Discover the limbic lie!