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FATHERS, SEX, TRAINING YOUTH, Tyler Jacobson

Having The Sex Talk With Your Teenager


Talking about sex with your teen is not a fun task. It can be awkward, uncomfortable and rattling. This is especially true considering that many of us fathers never had much of a sex talk from our parents. But for this generation of children who are constantly exposed to the highly sexualized world, it is vital that your children gain a real, non-sensationalized view of sex.

As the parent, you are expected to be the one insisting on the conversation and in control. But you probably feel just as weird about it as your teen does, maybe even more so.

Regardless, “the talk” is one of the most important milestones in the development of your child. It cannot be delayed for too long. Children often have access to highly inaccurate information on sex, thanks to their peers and the digital age they are growing up in.

The Stats On Sex As It Relates To Teens

According to the Resource Center for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention (ReCAPP), a survey in 2015 found that 41% of high school students admitted that they had already engaged in sexual intercourse.

That isn’t the only surprising statistic about teens and sex. According to a study in 2017, the average age of exposure to hardcore pornography in today’s age is 13 years old. Those images can be confusing and misleading for young people who have no context or way to frame what is happening on screen.

Approaching “The Talk” With Your Teens

It is crucial that you discuss sex with your children, even if they are older teens. To help your children feel more comfortable talking about sex with you, try doing these things:

Encourage them to relax and trust you.

  • Now, I’m not saying mere words will do the trick. A key part of being a father and head of the home is to continuously build your family’s trust. Look at your actions honestly, and if you feel like you have cultivated a strong trusting relationship with your children, you are more likely to have them relax and trust you enough to have an uncomfortable discussion.

Invite your teens to be honest without fear of being punished.

  •  Since some teens become sexually active around the ages of 13-14, they could be too scared to tell you. This fear puts them in a dangerous position, as someone can manipulate them with their fear. If you can truly promise you will not punish your children for their honesty, you can help avert serious issues.

Cover the medical aspects.

  • This includes the reproductive organs and processes of both genders, sexually transmitted diseases, what causes and happens during pregnancy, and other topics as you feel are appropriate.

Go over the emotional aspects of sexual activity.

  • These topics can include the emotional connection that can come with sexual activity, how sex and intimacy differ, etc.

Talk about contraceptive methods.

  • Cover what methods do and do not work effectively. Avoid scare tactics, as teens will often research what you say to check. Parents who lie in an attempt to keep their children from having sex can damage the trust they have built-up with their children.

Discuss the importance of consent for both parties.

  • Even if waiting until marriage is a value in your family, your children should understand how important their husband’s or wife’s consent is to a healthy relationship. Also, talk to your children about knowing when you are ready for sex.

Cover The Dynamics Of Sex And Relationships

Sex is not the only topic that should be on the table. Alongside the above points, you should also discuss how to know you are in a healthy relationship versus an unhealthy one. Talk about what respect means for both parties in a relationship and how important it is for healthy relationships to be based on respect and trust.

Too often, young people will become involved in a physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive relationships with no knowledge that they have been sucked into one. With your guidance, your children can learn the red flags and what to do if they ever find themselves in a toxic relationship, and how to help if they have friends who are in one.

Finally, let your children know that they can always come to you. You are your child’s first line of defense in the world.

More articles by Tyler Jacobson:

Parenting my Son with Attachment Disorders

Teaching my Son to Combat Rejection Like a Man

Teaching Teenagers How to Manage Money

 

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​Teaching Young Adults To Have Perspective & Keep Priorities In Order


1 Comment

It’s easy for young adults and teens to lose sight of what really matters in life. They have to constantly deal with pressure and expectations from their peers, friends, parents, and society.

As responsible parents, we should take care to teach our teens to keep their priorities straight if they are to be prepared for the real world. While high school life does have its moments, it’s not all there is to life. Part of our responsibility as parents, in keeping with God’s word, is to guide our children and one of the ways we get to do that is to teach them to have perspective and get their lives in order.

Here’s how to go about it:

Teach them to set aside time to reflect.

I believe the first step in learning how to prioritize is taking time to pause and reflect. Teens especially need this, given that they live in a fast-paced world that is full of distractions with a million things clamoring for their attention.

Like the scripture says- Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. When your teen spends time reflecting on their lives and seeking God, they will more easily figure out which direction to take to realize the Lord’s purpose for their lives.

Help them figure out what’s important.

Another key step is for young adults to get crystal clear on what they feel is important in their lives and what they want to achieve. Whether it’s financial success, academic excellence, volunteering or spreading the word, they need to have clear goals to focus their time and energy on.

They need to take action in small steps.

While coming up with goals is a good thing, teens also need to figure out what steps to take to achieve them. Remember success replicates success, so ensure they keep to small, measurable steps that can be easily achieved.

For instance, if your child wants to make the track team, a small achievable step towards this would be waking up at 5 a.m. to run 5 miles, 4 days a week. This will keep them motivated to continue working on their goals and eventually accomplish all of them.

Introduce them to a mentor.

If you find your teen having trouble realizing their goals or struggling to get their priorities in order, consider linking them up with a mentor. Mentors can be a fantastic source of motivation and wisdom for young adults, giving them someone to look up to and confide in especially if they don’t want to talk to their parents. The mentor could be a pastor, teacher, counselor, etc. who wouldn’t mind taking your child under their wing.

Remind them that it’s ok to change priorities as they grow.

Nothing in life is constant so your teen should feel free to adjust their priorities as they grow older. This will not only allow them to check their progress and discard what no longer serves them but also ensure that they are always aligning their lives to God’s purpose.

Life can be difficult for young adults as they struggle to find balance. Teaching them to prioritize will go a long way towards helping them lead fulfilling lives.

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A Hard Lesson for Dad!


2 Comments

This is the true story of a dad who learned a hard lesson about how important his relationship to his children was. This father was a bright, innovative young EXECUTIVE who quickly climbed the corporate ladder of SUCCESS. He, along with his wife and two boys, lived in a nice suburban neighborhood just across from a beautiful park.

His children, one Saturday morning came bursting into his BEDROOM, “Dad let’s build a FORT in the park.” The father said, “I’m sorry sons. I can’t today, I’ve got some things I have to do at the OFFICE.” Both of the boys had a very disappointing look on their faces. “Next Saturday,” the father promised, “we’ll BUILD a FORT.”

The next Saturday they burst into his BEDROOM again. This time they’re not taking any chances—they come bringing boards, nails, and hammers. “Dad! Dad, wake up! You promised that you would help us build a FORT today in the park.” The young father said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot all about it!” Seeing the DISAPPOINTMENT on their faces again he says, “I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to get on the PHONE and in your hearing, I’m going to take next Saturday off. I just can’t get away today.” “Okay, Dad,” the boys said understandably. (KIDS ARE SO FORGIVING, AREN’T THEY?)

Next Saturday comes, and the father and two boys are sitting around the table eating breakfast. The boys are EXCITED, bouncing back and forth singing, “We’re going to built a FORT. Dad’s going to help us BUILD a FORT.” As they start out the DOOR, the phone rings. SILENCE! You can hear a pin drop. WHAT IS DAD GOING TO DO? Dad goes over and answers the phone. He doesn’t have to say anything to the boys. They can tell by his expression that it’s the BOSS.

“John, I need you to come in this morning. You are the only one who can close this DEAL.” He looks at his sons carrying their boards and hammers and thinks to himself, “Well, I guess it’s either a CHOICE between my JOB and my KIDS.” Reluctantly he says, “Listen boys, I’ve got to go into work. I’ve got something I need . . .”

“No, Dad! No! You promised.”

“I’ve got to go in just a little while. You start the FORT without me, and I’ll be back very soon to help you FINISH it.” The father got into his car and DROVE away.

The youngest son started across the street carrying his boards, hammer, and nails crying because his Dad BROKE his promise again. Blinded by the tears, he doesn’t see the oncoming CAR, walks out in front of it and is struck KILLING him instantly.

Three days later the young father is at the FUNERAL of his little boy. He looks out over the audience and sees his BOSS and all of his male COLLEAGUES. And he realizes the IRONY of it all; what the CHOICE he made COST him. He begins to CRY. He then stands and speaking through the TEARS he says for all to hear, “Men, if I can leave you one piece of ADVICE this morning, it will be this: BUILD THE FORT TODAY, FATHERS. PLEASE, BUILD THE FORT TODAY!”

I want to leave you with this… Our children need us, they thirst for us, they require that we be fathers. At the end of the day, can you say you did EVERYTHING you had to do to be the dad that your kids deserve and need? Can you honestly say you lived a sacrificial life that overflowed onto your children? Take a few minutes today to do something completely opposite of what is expected of you. Hug your children and tell them “Dad loves you”. Then help them BUILD THAT FORT!


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FATHERS

Do it Right Dad!


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Being a dad is awesome! But if you approach it as one more thing on your to do list, I can guarantee that it will not be very fun for you.  There are so many benefits to being a dad.
Things that you and your child can look forward to on a daily basis. Learn to be a good dad by  understanding how our father in heaven is a good dad to us. Then, your eagerness to be a good dad will fill your child with everything he needs.  When you and your child know that you care about each other and love each other the way God designed it, your lives will be filled with unspeakable joy!

Your children will grow up and they will start to pull away from you. When that happens they will begin to be shaped by their friends and the culture around them. As they grow up and start slipping away from you,  you will worry over there well-being.  We can’t stop them, but we can definitely teach them to make the right choices. We can lay a foundation for them by teaching them God’s word and then making sure they feel loved  so they don’t reach out for recognition in ways that can harm them. And when they come to those situations in life when they don’t know what to do, we will know for sure that they will feel confident in the fact that we have created a relationship that is open and inviting. In this way they will know to seek refuge and council with you and in the same way with their Heavenly Father.

There’s really nothing you can do about your own childhood. There’s no way to go back and undo what’s been done and there’s no way to take back what has been said or to live those things you didn’t live.  Hollywood makes tons of money  making movies that exploit this sentiment.  But it’s fantasy, and the reality is that it cannot be done.  Nevertheless, you are very fortunate! You can make sure that your children have the father that they deserves to have.  You have been given a chance to do it differently. This time  with your own children and you need to do it better, you need to do it right!  So I challenge you to make a list of things that you want to do more with them.  And then, start doing it.

Human tendency is to repeat the things that we have seen our own fathers do or say and to put our expectations over those things.  I urge you not to repeat this mistake that your own father made.  By being a better father to your child or children, you are also being blessed.  A blessing that will heal the disappointments of your own childhood. As your life becomes more gratifying,  as you become filled with love, you will find that a lifetime of resentment towards your own father will begin to appear less significant. You won’t need to be angry any longer because your life will feel fulfilled.

Stop wasting time and by all means stop blaming yourself for what you have or have not done with your children up until now.  If you have not built a close relationship with your children, you will probably feel distant and helpless. The good news is that it is not too late to do it right. Your job as a father is to nurture your children and to help them reach their fullest potential. And in exchange, you will be presented with the opportunity to be a better person. Take advantage of that!

Manly Father 101 – Fatherly Assurance

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BLOG, BLOG FOR DADS, MY FATHER, TRIBUTES

My Father Was, So I Am


2 Comments

Imitate Me!

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I’ve enjoyed sharing a variety of common interests with my dad throughout my life. One of my favorite bonds has been related to music and singing. It started at a very early age. My parents tell a story of a time when dad was practicing a solo he had coming up at church, which was a common occurrence in our home. This particular instance, though, included my 2-year-old-self mimicking him throughout the house, singing “Jesus, Jesus, the sweetest name I know.” It was the beginning of me wanting to be like my dad.

For many years, I’ve referred to dad as my hero and role model. While other kids idolized sports heroes and movie stars, I chose to look closer to home for my inspiration. In dad, I found a man worth learning from and being like. As the years passed, I realized how fortunate I was to have a dad like mine because many people didn’t. It was this realization that opened my eyes to something very important: my kids are always watching me and wanting to be like me…because I wanted to be like my dad.

I am because He Was

I sang because he sang.

I played basketball because he played basketball.

I worked hard because he worked hard.

I loved God because he loved God.

One of the guys who wrote parts of the Bible, named Paul, encouraged his readers to imitate him a number of times. He lived his life in a way that taught them how to live as Christ-followers not matter that cost to himself. Why? Because he cared about them. He understood the challenges of his spiritual children would encounter, so he committed to showing them a path to follow until they were able to figure it out for themselves.

Do IT!

Like Paul, my dad lived in a manner that invited me to imitate him. He lived his life in a way that taught me how to be a man, a Cg5tNVVWkAA7ZmHfather, and a Christ-follower. His commitment to God is strong in my memory. He sang at church, taught Sunday School classes and bible studies, and encouraged others in their faith. He was generous with the blessings God has given him, often paying it forward to missionaries, family, and those in need. His love for his family was evident in how often he was involved in the things that mattered to us. Dad rarely missed one of my high school basketball games, even though I rode the bench most of the season. He heard every note of every concert. And he made himself available so I could talk about what mattered to me at the time.

No Man Is Perfect

Dad wasn’t perfect. No man is. But he modeled a way for me…a way for me to follow until I was old enough, strong enough, and mature enough to begin figuring it out for myself. And he’s always been nearby to help me when times became hard. He stood by me and encouraged me as my world fell apart during divorce. He has listened to me spew anger and pour tears. I can’t fathom the heartache he experienced as he watched me suffer, but I know one ChIg03fWwAACEQDthing is for certain. He modeled yet again a way for me to follow if the day comes for one of my own children to suffer so deeply.

I know there’s no such thing as the perfect father, and to aspire to perfection is foolish and unrealistic. But, I want to live my life in a manner that invites my kids to imitate me because that is exactly how my dad lived his life.

Kevin Bradford

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