Your Go-To Blog for Christian Men (Dads, Husbands and Leaders)
Eduardo Quintana
I am an author and a speaker. I am the creator and CEO of Manly Training, an organization designed to bring Men to Christ and to Honor and Empower biblical Manliness.
What makes a REAL MAN? Is it the way he dresses? Is it the way he smells or how strong he is? Or perhaps it is the size of his wallet or the kind of car or truck he drives. Whatever your idea of manliness is, Eduardo is about to turn it upside down in this thought provoking podcast. Listen at your own risk!
Please HELP make Manly Training available to everyone. A revival is on the horizon and it will start with the men! Will you please make a tax free donation to the ministry in order to help keep this vital organization alive and blessing families? Just click on the button below to give a donation.
Have you ever wondered what purpose you have in life? Have you ever asked yourself why you even exist? I have, and if you are like most people, you have too! One of the most important things we must realize about life is that God has a plan for us. Life is not just random and haphazard. God created you, He designed you, and He did it so that you would fulfill a God-given purpose!
So, what does it mean when I say that God has a plan for your life? Keep reading and you will discover what it means. But one thing is for sure, God is guiding you, leading you, urging you, influencing you toward that plan. Pay attention to my words – God has a veryspecial plan for you life.
Your Family Matters and God desires certain attributes and abilities in your life to bless them. God has a plan to make you a A Godly Man. Men you need to understand that God wants you to be just like Jesus – not like Mike or Tiger or even Billy. Your heavenly Father wants you to be transformed into the image of Jesus. You need to ‘get’ that. Write it down. Tape it to your mirror. “Today I will strive to do things the way I think Jesus would do them.”
I
The first part of that plan is to make you a spiritual leader. What is a spiritual leader? The perfect example is Jesus – in fact God wants us to become Christ-like. The bible says,
“And we… are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory…”
2 Corinthians 3:18
To find out what you are to become you need to read the Bible and study the life of Jesus and learn the fruit of a Spirit-filled life. You need to be in a Bible study at least weekly. How are you going to become Christ-like if you don’t know what Christ is like?
What our families need of us is to be Spiritual leaders. Of course we can’t be spiritual leaders even if we want to – if our wives won’t allow us to be the leader. God has to put it on our hearts to be spiritual leaders –but He also has to put it in our mate’s heart to allow us to be the leader. It takes two to make a leader.
Most people don’t even know if they are the leader or not. So how can you know if you are? The test of leadership is easy. Who do the kids go to when they want something? Who signs the report card? Who decides if we go to church or have family devotions? Whoever leads in those actions is the spiritual leader.
Most men don’t do it because it takes work and creativity. They would rather do their own selfish thing and go their own selfish way. A spiritual leader – above all – is sacrificial. The bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25
What that means for us men is that we need to be sacrificial. When we come home from work exhausted and burnt out – we need to muster up the energy to meet our wife’s emotional needs and have a conversation with her. We need to help her and motivate her to do good things.
“There comes a time when the boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.” What I’m saying is that the real measure of manhood is spiritual maturity or godliness. The “boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.”
There comes a time when we leave selfishness for selflessness. There comes a time when we “flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness” (II Timothy 2:22). There comes a time when we show ourselves as men by leaving behind us everything ungodly and making the decision to walk with God.
that is that the man must be a provider. We need to provide for our families. Back in the old days, a lot of people thought that being a provider meant that you had a job and provided the material needs for the family – but it means much more than that. We are to meet financial needs, emotional needs, physical needs and spiritual needs. The bible says, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Tim. 5:8
We men are called to provide for our families. Even ungodly men provide for the physical needs of their families – sometimes with the help of the court system.
Too many dads abandon their families. They give in to their lusts and create children without wanting the responsibility. But a father needs to be responsible. He needs to provide for the physical needs of the family -but we have to go beyond that and provide especially for the spiritual needs. How do we do that? First, by our example.
None of us are perfect. We have so many flaws and we err in judgment and just plain blow it so many times. But if our children can catch the idea that we are trying to do our best with what we have – it might help. When we blow it – apologize. When we err – admit it. When we can – correct it.
I don’t think our families expect perfection – but they need a humble, godly man to lead them to Christ-likeness. Part of that responsibility is to fill the role of teacher or coach. The Bible says, “fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Dad’s, it is not the job of the government to educate your child – it’s yours. It’s not the government’s job to teach and train and discipline your child – it’s your’s. I have to tell you, it is a blessing to live in America where we have a ton of help out there – but ultimately it will be you standing before God on Judgment Day giving account of your actions and responsibilities.
I also want you to notice that we are to provide for our children a ‘Christian’ education. We are to train them in the way they SHOULD go. Some of you are fortunate to have a Christian school for you. But if that isn’t available and home schooling is not an option – then Church and Sunday school and family devotions are doubly important. Your job is to train them in the way they should go and be. In the schools today they are forced to learn about things they don’t need to know about or things they need to learn from the parents or church. Things like sex education and homosexuality and other religions.That is not the state’s responsibility. Their job is suppose to be to protect and serve us. They do not have the moral or spiritual experience or right to teach those things.
The school and the state should be the servant of the parent – not the other way around. And you, the father, are to protect and insure your child gets the proper godly training.
“There comes a time when the boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.” What I’m saying is that the real measure of manhood is spiritual maturity or godliness. The “boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.”
There comes a time when we leave selfishness for selflessness. There comes a time when we “flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness” (II Timothy 2:22). There comes a time when we show ourselves as men by leaving behind us everything ungodly and making the decision to walk with God.
Men, our families need godly men. Men, our wives need godly men. Men, our world needs godly men. Will you be a man with me? Let’s show ourselves strong by living for the Lord. It’s time for men to learn how to Be a Man!
And that brings me to the third part in God’s plan. That the godly man is to be a man. King David was a godly man. He was undoubtedly physically manly—he killed a nine foot tall man, a lion, and a bear with only a sling or a club, but I don’t think that is what makes you a man.
You see, manliness isn’t measured only by the size of our biceps or the courage of our hearts. David understood this. Listen to some of his last words to his son, Solomon:
I Kings 2:1-3 says, “As David’s time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, ‘I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man. Keep the charge of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies, according to what is written in the Law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn…’” (NASB).
King David was about to die and he wanted to teach his son, Solomon, how to be a man. He said, “Be strong and show yourself a man”. Then David tells his son what a man does. He walks in God’s ways. He said, “Keep all the statues and commandments.” That’s the definition of a real man. You may be slight of stature and skinny and anything but a fighter. The world’s definition of a man is to be big and tough and don’t take any stuff off of anyone. But that’s not a real man. A real man walks in the will of the Lord. That’s what God is looking for. That is what our women are looking for. That’s what our children are looking for. That’s what our world needs.
A godly Man Is Strong. David said, “I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore…”
When David tells Solomon to “be strong” he isn’t talking about fighting or physical strength. David is talking about being strong by following God and walking in His ways.
I think that, to David at least, physical strength is only a small part of real manliness. Do you remember when David faced the nine-foot tall Goliath on the battlefield? Do you remember what David shouted to him? I Samuel 17:45 says,
“Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.”
In other words, “You come to me with the strength of a powerful man, but I come with the strength of an almighty powerful God.” The name of the Lord is the source of real power. Men who rely on it are much manlier than those who don’t.Take Samson for instance. He trusted in his own muscles and look where it got him. If you want to know about toughness, strength, and manliness be sure to check these two verses out.
Zechariah 4:6 says, “…not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD of hosts.”
Ephesians 6:10 says, “be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”
Men, teach your family what it means to stand strong for your God and your family. Teach them that meekness, justice, love, and gentleness aren’t weaknesses. Teach them that abstinence and sobriety are values to be honored. Show them what real strength is by following and imitating the creator of strength and power.
Does money and success determine manhood? If so, Donald Trump is your guy.
Does physical strength or fighting ability make a man? If so, maybe you look more to John Wayne or Bruce Lee.
Paul says: I Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”
“There comes a time when the boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.” What I’m saying is that the real measure of manhood is spiritual maturity or godliness. The “boy needs to sit down and the man needs to stand up.”
There comes a time when we leave selfishness for selflessness. There comes a time when we “flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness” (II Timothy 2:22). There comes a time when we show ourselves as men by leaving behind us everything ungodly and making the decision to walk with God.
Men, our families need godly men. Men, our wives need godly men. Men, our world needs godly men. Will you be a man with me? Let’s show ourselves strong by living for the Lord. Today I ask you to decide, will you be a man or a mouse? Will you be a Godly man or will you turn your back on God? Will you be a man that lives to serve his wife and children or will you be the man that lives to please himself? Choose today what kind of a man you will be, as for me and my sons, we will serve the Lord and be the men that God created us to be. Will you join us?
Please HELP make Manly Training available to everyone. A revival is on the horizon and it will start with the men! Will you please make a tax free donation to the ministry in order to help keep this vital organization alive and blessing families? Just click on the button below to give a donation.
Have you ever wondered Who You Are? Can you answer this question honestly? My name is Eduardo. If I legally change my name, am I no longer me? In today’s Podcast, I will answer this question Biblically and honestly.
Please HELP make Manly Training available to everyone. A revival is on the horizon and it will start with the men! Will you please make a tax free donation to the ministry in order to help keep this vital organization alive and blessing families? Just click on the button below to give a donation.
Society puts less importance on men in general and the world is paying a price for it! Men are under attack. Because of this attack, most men don’t even know what it really means to be masculine! We have put so much importance on men being tough, macho, working all the time to make a living that when it comes to family and showing people that we love them, it is becoming irrelevant. Men, what do you think about that? What do you think about a society that believes you are out of touch to make any contributions? It ought to make you mad.
What does God say about that?
Ephesians 6:1-4
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother-which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Men, listen- The world may not think you are important, but in God’s eyes, we are precious and we have a job to do.
Let me share something with you that is shameful and just plain unacceptable.
Women outnumber men 3 to 1 in the church- unacceptable!
Because of this, women are doing the work of the men and are being the spiritual “fathers” to their children- unacceptable!
What’s even more shameful than that is the fact that women are going to church and the husbands and boyfriends are waiting at home for the family to return-unacceptable!
“Let your light shine before men…..”Men MUST rise up and be the men that God wants them to be. Ephesians puts it out there- Children, honor your parents. It does not say honor them only if they are perfect and you agree with them all the time. It says to honor them so that you have a life that is not always in chaos- that it may go well for you! Then it goes on to say: Fathers, do not exasperate your children, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. NLT- “Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them, but bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord”.
We are living in a culture that doesn’t know the role of men.
Unless men, take up their responsibility in the family and the church, we will lose a generation of kids. Let me say it again! UNLESS MEN, ALL OF US, TAKE UP OUR RESPONSIBILITY IN OUR FAMILIES AND OUR CHURCH, WE WILL LOSE A GENERATION OF KIDS.
NOW-A-DAYS, Kids are raising themselves without a father. Because of the alarming rate in divorce, there is a lack of fathers being involved in their kids lives. And then, there are those fathers who are putting so much emphasis on making a living that they are losing their kids emotionally and physically.
The way I see it, we have two choices, whether you have kids or not. We can live defeated and hopeless and think that the problem will go away on its own. Or else, we can model what God intended for us to be and make a difference in our kids and the kids we have contact with.
I am gullible enough to believe that a few good men filled with the Holy Spirit of God can impact people lives in a positive and spiritual way. And this is why I started this ministry. Manly Training exists to motivate and train men so we can be good husbands, good fathers, and we can be positive role models.
The culture today may not know what responsibility men play, but Godly men should not only know but live it daily for the world to see.
If you don’t think we can make a difference? Read a few quotes about fathers.
Jim Valvano- “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me.
Dan Pierce- The greatest mark of a father is how he treats his children when no one is looking.
One of my favorite quotes is this:
Harmon Killebrew (HOF player for the Twins)- “My father use to play with my brother and me in the yard, mother would come out and say, your tearing up the grass. Were not raising grass, Dad would reply, we are raising boys.”
It is getting involved, rolling up your sleeves, making mistakes, making adjustments, and showing your family that they are important to you.
Reed Marham- “Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you will have to do it again tomorrow.”
So how do we do that? How do we raise our kids with the instruction of the Lord in a culture that has no problem turning its back on the things of God?
I have said it before- wisdom not applied is just storage of words.
This is how we can do it:
I. Men have to lead
We will never be able to lead our lives or the lives of our families without the Lord leading us.
Galatians 2:20- “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Christ guiding me and leading me!
In our families- “Husbands, love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Men cannot afford to get hung up on “being the boss” We need to understand the responsibility that comes with the job. It is like driving on a road and it makes a sharp turn or dip so that the road is unseen and you have to trust that the people who made the road completed it even though you for a moment cannot see the road.
Leading is not running ahead of God or lagging behind but learning to let God lead you. It’s looking beyond circumstances at the purpose God intended for you.
Psalm 32:8- “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
When we refuse God’s leading:
We are telling God we know better than He does.
We are accusing God of being unjust/ unfair.
We are questioning God’s ability to keep His promises (unbelief)
We basically call God a liar.
We have to learn to let God lead us.
II. We have to learn to lean
Emphasis on leaning on God. Not leaning on ourselves. Not on someone else and not keeping God as an afterthought.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.”
James 1:5- “If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
This is one of the prayers that God will answer yes to every time. You learn to lean on Him and He will give you wisdom to do what is needed.
Frank Sinatra use to sing a song “My Way” The theme was “I did it my way” this is a good example of leaning on your own understanding and being wise in your own eyes. It is a recipe of disaster!
To lean is to rely on. But what many men say by their actions is that they rely on their own training and experience more than they rely on God. Is it any wonder we get ourselves spiritually in trouble? We have to learn to lead! We have to learn to lean on God!
III. We need to learn to love.
If you look behind you and no one is following, you are not leading anyone. The only way you lead people is loving the people that you are leading. The only way to properly love someone is to love them the way that the Lord loves them.
1 Corinthians 13:1 “If I speak in the tongue of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
If I do not love like God loves, I am just making some noise. God leads us to love our wife’s, to love our children, to love God’s people, and to love the lost as God loves them. It goes deeper than looks, deeper than when it is convenient.
A man was talking to his wife after she had done something that he did not approve of. He said to her, how can you be so beautiful and stupid at the same time? She replied, God made me beautiful so you would love me, and he made me stupid so I would love you.”
Listen to me! The most important thing we can do is love God and love people. Before we can love anyone, we have to experience God’s love because you cannot give away something you don’t have.
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. It seems like a simple Sunday school lesson, but most people do not understand how much God loves them because if they did, they would act differently.
When you know and understand God loves you, and God forgives you, and you know that you have a purpose, then you will love differently and you will treat people differently.
That is a portrait of a Godly man. You will love your wife, You will love your children, You will love God’s people! You will love differently once you have experienced God’s love in the right way.
So why is it then that the church needs Real Men? Well, first of all, let’s define a Real Man as a man that knows God. I don’t mean that he not knows ABOUT God, but he is actually making a daily effort to know God and understands God’s design for his life. A man like this lives a life that honors God as he leads his family by example. He leans on God and not on his own efforts or on things like money and education and power. Such a man will find that in living his life surrendered to God and pursuing to know God, he will then LOVE his family and his neighbors in such a way that he will leave a lasting legacy to his loved ones.
What do you think would happen if your church had one or two men like this? Now imagine having ten or fifty or one hundred men that lived their life this way. Jesus had his group of 12 men. He took time to teach them and show them this principle. One betrayed him because he leaned on his love of money and not on knowing God and His power. The other eleven men went on to change the world as we know it. Will you be like Judas or will you be like the other eleven men? Chose now, the world needs a revival. I an convinced that the next big revival needs to start with the men. This is why we need Real Men in our Churches.
Please HELP make Manly Training available to everyone. A revival is on the horizon and it will start with the men! Will you please make a tax free donation to the ministry in order to help keep this vital organization alive and blessing families? Just click on the button below to give a donation.
Happy Father’s Day! We all have something in common, all of us will leave a legacy to our children. Will it be a godly legacy or a legacy of disaster? That’s up to you. Listen to today’s message if you want to learn how you can leave a legacy that will bless your families for generations to come.
Tomorrow is father’s day. It seem a shame that Father’s Day is not as big a deal as Mother’s day, but then again, Father’s seem to have gone missing here in the USA. Fatherlessness is growing at an alarming rate! Today, one in three children will go to bed in a home without a dad. This entire series, all 45 days of intense discussions on a father’s Legacy is really a call to action for all of us. Every American man and every man that this Ministry has reached across the globe needs to step up to the plate and hit a home-run! With every decision we make and every decision we don’t, we must ask ourselves;
I don’t have a daughter, but if I had one, I’d do a few of these suggestions. This is god stuff.
The Top Ten Ways to Intimidate Your Daughter’s Date When He Comes to Pick Her Up:
10. Sprinkle some dust on your daughter before she leaves. Explain, “It makes fingerprinting easier.”
9. Challenge him at arm wrestling.
8. Introduce him to your good friend Tony Soprano.
7. Answer the door wearing a police swat team uniform.
6. Casually show him your collection of five shrunken heads, then yell up to your daughter, “Number six is here!”
5. Come to the door bare-chested. Do a lot of flexing.
4. Introduce him to the family by calling each family member to the living room using a whistle, then making them stand at attention and salute.
3. Have the funeral home director over to measure the young man.
2. Answer the door in a straight-jacket.
1. As they leave, speak into a walkie-talkie: “Subject is wearing khakis and a blue polo shirt, driving a green Ford.”
Here’s a more serious Top Ten list. A survey of elementary children was conducted a few years ago which indicated the ten most appreciated qualities for Dads:
1. He takes time for me.
2. He listens to me.
3. He plays with me.
4. He invites me to go places with him.
5. He lets me help him.
6. He treats my mother well.
7. He lets me say what I think.
8. He’s nice to my friends.
9. He only punishes me when I deserve it.
10. He isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong.
In a New Yorker magazine cartoon, a young child interrupts his dad’s reading of the evening paper with a question: “Dad, am I experiencing a normal childhood?” We dads might ask ourselves, “Am I a normal parent?”
In the survey of schoolchildren I read, the top five qualities involve time. For a child, “love” is spelled: T-I-M-E. According to family psychologist Dr. James Dobson (Focus on the Family), the average father spends less than a minute of face-to-face communication with his children per day!
Children need time. We devote time and energy to the people and things we value the most. Children conclude that, “If you don’t have time for me, then you must not care about me.”
Dr. Dobson made a video for the Army many years ago, at the request of the Army Chief of Staff, General Wickam. The title was “Where’s Dad?” and it dealt with the failure of dads to spend enough time with their kids. Look it up and you will be amazed! I know that One Hundred Years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.
I read of a dad who promised his two sons to take them to the circus. But early that morning the phone rang; an urgent business call required the dad’s presence downtown. The two boys braced themselves for the disappointment. Then they heard their father say, “No, I won’t be down; it’ll have to wait.” When he came back to the breakfast table, his wife smiled. “The circus keeps coming back, you know,” she said. “Yes, I know”, replied the father, “but childhood doesn’t”. Dads are entrusted with the task of making memories.
No amount of success can compensate for failure in the home. What priority do we give our children and grandchildren? A group of children were asked, “What is a dad for?” Some talked about how their dads made money or fixed things around the house. One of the best answers was: “A dad is for spending time with.”
I have three sons, when my oldest was very young, he asked me one evening to read him a book which was too long to read in one setting. After reading two chapters, I put it down and said, “Well, maybe later we can find out what happens.” Then I was told, “Oh, Mom’s already read me that book twice.” What did my son really want? To hear a story, or to spend time with me? Kids crave—and deserve our time and attention.
We dads also need to listen more. If we spoke less and listened more, maybe we would exasperate our kids less. We need to be approachable. Sometimes we don’t make it safe for our kids to say what’s really on their minds. We need to hear the things that are important to our kids: their likes and dislikes, their opinions, and even the seemingly trivial things—without impatience or interruption. It’s been said that “a child is an island of curiosity surrounded by a sea of question marks.” The average child will ask 500,000 questions from the time they’re talking to age 15. Answering questions is only part of what we convey. Much of what our kids learn is caught rather than taught—they learn from what they observe. This means we can’t afford to cheat on our taxes, lie to our boss, or be rude to a salesperson. Our lifestyle is the lesson.
Paul tells us dads to “bring up” our children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” One father is worth more than a dozen schoolteachers. We need to ask ourselves: “Is my spiritual life worth imitating? Do I have a natural enthusiasm for things such as prayer, Bible study, church activities, and caring for the needs of others?” Spiritual guidance cannot be delegated to others. Our kids’ Sunday School teachers aren’t the ones entrusted with the responsibility of making our children followers of Jesus. Our kids’ relationship with God begins in the home. If our faith in Christ is genuine, it will be seen at work in our homes. The book of Proverbs tells us, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it” (22:6).
The prayer I offer the most is that God will bless my children in spite of me, and my blundering efforts. Fathers are always on center stage, and we never know when the next test will present itself. We need the encouragement and the prayers of others to face this most difficult of all tasks. I read of a stepfather who confessed to a group of men, “I’m struggling with my stepson, who I’m trying to love, but he just will not respond. It’s brought tension to the whole family. I’ve done everything I can think of. Will someone pray for me?” The men did, and this discouraged stepdad gained strength to keep trying. A week later, he reported he had a major breakthrough with his stepson. He was a growing father. Sometimes the task at hand is to try to repair and restore a damaged relationship. Love means we reach out, even when the one we’re reaching to isn’t reaching back. Faith means we latch onto the promise of God in Malachi chapter 4, “And He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children” (vs 6a).
None of us come from perfect homes. Some of us may need to reach out to our fathers, seeking reconciliation. We may need to offer forgiveness to release ourselves from the bitterness we’ve been carrying.
I’d like to close with a quote from General Douglas MacArthur: “By profession, I am a soldier and take great pride in that fact. But I am prouder, infinitely prouder, to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build. The father only builds, never destroys…It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle, but in the home.”
How will we be remembered by our children? What traits, behaviors, characteristics will they take from us? Years from now will our children recall our affection and acceptance? Will their lives be aimless and futile, or will they embrace the faith of their fathers? May we by example and instruction lead our children towards developing stability, character, and spiritual maturity, based on a steadfast faith in Jesus Christ. May we leave them an eternal and spiritual Legacy! Let our children say one day that the Legacy we left them is that we lived a life that showed them the heart of The Father.
Tomorrow is father’s day! Tomorrow brings and end to the Tribute that we have been giving Father’s, but it does not bring an end to our jobs as Father’s. May you take with you all the wisdom and encouragement that every man and woman poured out in their articles. May Father’s Day 2017 bring unexpected blessings to you and to your family as you draw near to God and learn to be the father that God created you to be. Happy father’s Day 2017!
[A special thanks to all the people that contributed to this Father’s Day Tribute: Rick Amitin, Sandra Cerda, Leon Barnes, Anna Bradford, Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, David Porter, Al Cerda, Tyler Jacobson, David Moore, Farn Golden, Ted Thevaos, Dr. Bill Hennessy, Paul Bronback, Marsh Bull]
Please HELP make Manly Training available to everyone. A revival is on the horizon and it will start with the men! Will you please make a tax free donation to the ministry in order to help keep this vital organization alive and blessing families? Just click on the button below to give a donation.
Innocence can be gone before you know it was ever there.
I would be years discovering the likeness I shared with my father. He wasn’t there the day I parted the atmosphere of this world but, his DNA was. He showed up when I was five, after I had already noticed the life other kids were having with their dads. And, feeling the absence and emptiness of something I couldn’t understand.
Where would I get the vocabulary to define the jubilation of his embrace, warm smile, and sense of belonging his presence invoked? The promises he made of our future together sent new flesh competing to cover my barren bones. Gone was the hole inside I had fallen into many times. Those choking and gurgling sounds, emanating from the empty chair at the table of my broken heart, vanished.
I had arms to run to, a man to play ball with, and a father who would teach me to fish. I would snuggle up close as he read me a bedtime story and tucked me safely in for the night. My imagination freshly supplied with thoughts and feelings of completeness. The two hours of ecstasy shattered into so many pieces I doubted ever being able to collect them all when he walked out the door, never to be seen or heard from again.
The search became a life sentence of exploring the bitter taste of unanswered questions. My virtue, significance, and contribution remained locked in the haze of not knowing who I am. The lack of affirmation, clarity, and sense of worthiness had stolen my identity. Titles and achievements introduced a synthetic and manufactured life. Hyper masculinity chased authenticity away. Intimacy resided in Neverland.
Nameless drivers dictated shallow comprehension of deep maladies. Brokenness was my brand! I didn’t even know what was wrong. I only knew something was askew. The innate whisper clamoring for satisfaction. I feared the feelings of abandonment, rejection, and not being enough. These are the marks of the fatherless. A man will battle to be praised and a woman will struggle to be valued.
Fatherlessness is pandemic. Where’s the healing? The remedy? The anecdote? I believe there’s a great restoration ahead among the sons and daughters rejected, abandoned, and violated by their fathers. Those which have recreated the pain in their own lives by the stories they wrote about their life events. Maybe even passing the devastation on to their children.
When my daughter announced that I would have a grandson, with the plight of the fatherless threatening his well-being, pure desperation set in. For months, I contemplated his arrival. Aware that his father’s decision to not be in his life would brand him in many ways. While I had gained much ground in resolving my own inner conflicts I still had work to do. I determined to change the legacy brand of our family.
Hopeless to rearrange the past; helpless to alter my failures; working with perceptions that had consistently left me short, I stepped into the unknown – the safest place I had ever been. I had been in ministry for some thirty years. I Pastored churches, travelled as an Evangelist, both here and abroad. And, I was broken. Holding the fragments of a life undone, I wanted what I knew was there.
When I held my grandson in the delivery room for the first time, I heard the unthinkable. As I showered him with affection pouring out my love, and reaching for his soul, I knew exactly how my Heavenly Father felt about me. I was not without a father. Nor, had I ever been. My mind wanted to argue for my tradition. I was too messy for the purity of divine intention. But, I was wrong. I had been wearing an illegitimate brand.
The repetitive phrases that pounded against my soul were only lies, borrowed from human defect, and plagiarized as my own. How I thought about myself is not the way God thinks of me at all. I rewrote the stories of my life events to reflect a more accurate accounting of the things that had happened. Living out of hurt and despair had not allowed love to reset the perimeters of my life.
A missing father easily translates into a missing God. My father was out there, somewhere. I met him. He was real. He was there. Just not there for me. Likewise, I knew God is real. I experienced Him. And yet my inability to believe He was there for me, at the deepest levels, always left me wanting. I discovered unlimited grace, unconditional love, and it changed my brand. I became the father I never had and the father I never was.
I’m living the legacy I want to leave.
Rick Amitin
Rick Amitin is the author of “IF ONLY I HAD A DAD: Finding Freedom From Fatherlessness and the Companion Workbook of the same title.
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