Men have been trying to understand women since the very beginning of time! Have you noticed that men and women are wired differently? One area where men are always trying to get one up is in the area of LOVE. Once we fall in love and have someone who loves us back, we want to make sure it lasts. There are a ton of self help books that promise to show you how to achieve that. We want to be the man of her dreams and stay away from becoming a nightmare!

Cracking the Code

Men must crack the code to becoming the man of her dreams. but the only way your marriage is

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going to be all you want it to be is for both husband and wife to be in tune with Jesus Christ.

Getting Jesus first, is the easy part to figure out. How exactly we men play our part in the plan is a bit more difficult to evaluate some times. As I was thinking about the difficulty of trying to hash out how you and I can become the men of our wives’ dreams, 2 thoughts came to mind.

First, I thought about the Diet Coke commercial, where the women in the office building all gather at the window to watch the construction worker across the street take a break. Knowing that most of us do not look exactly like the model in the commercial, I thought we had better figure out a way to work with what we have.

The second thought that crossed my mind was that I could get my wife to write this article and have her tell us men how to become the man of our wives dreams. I was afraid of doing that, however, for fear that I wouldn’t be the man she described.

What God has to Say About it

I finally decided that I had better check the Bible and see what it says about being a great husband.

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Probably the best passage of Scripture on this is found in the book of Ephesians 5:25-33

In verse 25, Paul says that husbands are to “love your wives as Christ loved the church”. The standard is pretty high isn’t it? But, what does it mean to love your wife as Christ loved the church? What can you do to become the man of your wife’s dreams?

You need to love your wife with a sacrificial love.

When Jesus came into the world, He loved the church. He loved us enough to leave heaven and all of its comforts, come to earth, take on a human body, be spat on and made fun of, crowned with a crown of thorns, and nailed to a cross. That’s what sacrificial love is, and that’s required if you are going to be the man of your wife’s dreams.

Now, when God said for you and I to love our wives that way, He didn’t say they deserved it and He didn’t say your wife was worthy of that kind of love. Furthermore, He didn’t say to love her that way if she did something to deserve it or if she did something for you in return. He said, “DO IT!” Sacrificial love is unconditional. If God waited until we deserved His love before He sent His Son, He never would have loved us. But, He did. He loved us like we were. The Bible says that, “God showed His love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” When you were at your worst, God still loved you.

A True Love Story

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In march of 1990, Robertson McQuilkin, the former president of Columbia Bible College, announced his resignation with the following letter.

“My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about 8 years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilities at Columbia Bible College. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontentment.” She is filled with fear – even terror – that she has lost me and always goes in search for me when I leave home. Then she may be full of anger when she cannot get to me.

So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full time. Perhaps it would help you to understand if I shared with you what I shared at the time of the announcement of my resignation in chapel.

The Decision

The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health . . . till death do us part.” So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic.

But, there is more; I love Muriel. She is a delight to me – her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her, I get to! It is a high honor to care for such a person”.

My friend, if you want to be the man of your wife’s dreams, love her like that. Love her sacrificially and unconditionally. In the next few weeks we will learn what this means and look at the five (5) requirements of Sacrificial Love to our wives.

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in January of 2017 and has been completely revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

The Discipline of Marriage

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Published by Eduardo Quintana

I am an author and a speaker. I am the creator and CEO of Manly Training, an organization designed to bring Men to Christ and to Honor and Empower biblical Manliness. View all posts by Eduardo Quintana