MY FATHER LEFT A HOLE!
I met my father when I was five years old. What a memorable day it was! Over fifty years later, I’m still living off of those precious moments. Taking in the sound of his voice, feeling the strength of his embrace, and the joy of sitting on his lap made me long for more of the same.
These couple of hours spent in the presence of my father impacted me in so many ways. Before he left that night, he asked me if I would like for him to be around all of the time…promising to take me fishing and to play ball with me. My observant nature caused me to take notice of other kids with their dads. I was aware they had a different life experience than me. You can just imagine the enthusiasm I felt at the notion of my dad always being there. He walked out the door,and I never saw or heard from him again.
Affirmation, clarity of competence, and a sense of worthiness are not luxuries…they’re essentials. Dads have the responsibility to establish a foundation for their children where they can confidently navigate an ever-changing world. When basic yet, profound questions such as: Am I loveable? Am I good? Do you think I have a future? go unanswered, an emptiness develops. Instead of advancing steadily toward our aspirations, dreams, and fulfillment, our heart goes on searches trying to plug the hole.
Oftentimes, what ensues is an endless process of trial and error. The wound of identity theft can be vicious, debilitating, leading to dysfunction and prolonged brokenness…making intimacy elusive and relationships difficult. Even when we find true love, we might not recognize or trust it. And, what may be most devastating is our inability to provide the essentials for our own children.
The spiritual component is perhaps the most significant for me. I had three stepfathers by the time I was nine years old. I was too young to recall much about the first two, but the third one stayed. Unfortunately, he was an angry man and woefully inadequate for parenting. In the back of my mind echoed the promises of my father. I kept looking for him to come and save me. I knew my father was real because I had met him and I also knew he was out there somewhere…he just wasn’t there for me.
Fathers and God
I think we are designed to get our first glimpse of God from our fathers. So when I looked to God as my heavenly Father, I carried the paradigm of absence into my spiritual experience. I could not let Him…trust Him…to be all that He is. I knew Him to be real, I knew He was out there. I just couldn’t accept that He was there for me and I just couldn’t allow Him to completely fill my void.
Thankfully, a real father never gives up…never leaves…and never decides you’re too messy. With unconditional love, He keeps reaching until He proves love never fails. I was still searching for my father ten years after he was dead, because I didn’t know he was gone. I knew then I would not have the chance to heal my relationship with my father.
Finally, I learned the reality that I had a Father all along. He was there for every minute of my life. Nothing would ever keep Him away. I discovered that it is possible to father-yourself and complete the maturation process. The Apostle Paul states it so clearly in 1st Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
If you have a hole…you CAN make it whole!
Rick Amitin is author of “If Only I Had A Dad”, Blogger, Poet, Inspirational Speaker, and Founder of rickamitin.com. He’s a former contributing columnist for Read My Mind Magazine and has published articles on various platforms. Rick traveled extensively as an Evangelist, Pastored for many years, and built a multi-million dollar insurance business in Los Angeles before embarking on the journey of personal transformation. He is a Certified Behavioral Analyst and a Transformational Life Coach. Rick has attended numerous seminars in personal development with some of the leading voices of our time, Ford Taylor, Jack Canfield, Sanford G. Kulkin, and Kevin Knebl to name a few. Rick is a former member of The Dallas Fort Worth Writers Workshop and the Writers Guild of Texas. He is a life-long student, an avid reader and researcher.
Rick is a father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. He has been married to his wife, Tina for 36 years and resides in San Francisco, California.