No. 4 Discipline of Fatherhood (The Do’s and Don’ts)- Men Of Destiny
I pray you have been as challenged as I have to become a godly man. It has been encouraging to hear the responses both online and in person. The power a father wields in his children’s lives is beyond understanding! As we expand our understanding of the power we have in our children’s lives, we heighten our motivation because of the importance of the task. I think of the movie line, “with great power comes great responsibility.”
Over-the-top
Men, the mere fact is that fatherhood has endowed you with terrifying power in the lives of your sons and daughters, because they have an innate, God-given passion for you. Men, as fathers you have such power! You will have this terrible power till you die, like it or not – in your attitude toward authority, in your attitude toward women, in your regard for God and the Church. While these statements may sound like they are over-the-top at first, I think you will agree with them.
We must never underestimate the power of a father as our society has. This is a call to give up much to be a godly influence in our children’s lives. There are few places where sanctified sweat will show greater dividends than in fathering. What an important reminder when I am tempted to spend time doing so many other things.
Do Not Do These Things…
I could spend hours telling you the things a father should not do and should do. But let’s look at it in light of Eph 6:4, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This provides an effective checklist to evaluate ourselves as fathers. First the do nots which are oh so easy to fall into.
Criticize!
- Criticism – An all to easy way to provoke our children to exasperation and anger is through criticism. We often come by it so naturally because of how we interact with other men at work or in competition. However, when we criticize our children, we are planting discouragement. Col 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” In other words, they lose heart. We must be very careful with our words. I am not saying that we should never discipline or correct as we will see later. Rather, we must guard our tone when we discipline. I would also add to this section by warning against sarcasm and our tone when we kid around. Sarcasm may be humorous to us, but to our children, who are often unable to separate sarcasm from truth, we may be inadvertently wilting their hearts and teaching disrespect.
Be Too Strict!
- Over Strictness – Rearing children is like holding a wet bar of soap – too firm a grasp and it shoots from your hand, too loose a grip and it slides away. We can easily become overstrict as we seek to protect our children and as we seek to step in and discipline to protect our wives. These are godly aspirations, but we must learn that domination does not accomplish these tasks. Rather we must learn to loosen our grip when appropriate and trust God with our children. When we do hold a firmer grip, we should be able to show how our stance is directly rooted in God’s Word and comes from His authority rather than our own need to be in control. (Which we actually aren’t!) “Learn to hold their lives with God’s pressure and to mold it with His love.”
I’m In a Bad Mood
- Irritability – How many times do we let our hard days and challenges spill like poison onto our children? This is especially convicting to talk about as I think of times I have fought frustration with my children. Our kids deserve our attention and response. They did not cause our difficult days, nor do they comprehend that a difficult day at work might be why daddy is acting so poorly. They just know that we are treating them like they don’t matter.
Do this, now do that!
- Inconsistency – Children are exasperated by inconsistency. We often talk about consistency in discipline, but it also is needed with the promises we make. How well do we do at following through with things we’ve said to our children even in passing. They definitely remember! They say, “Daddy, you said . . .” Our answer needs to be, “yes I did, let’s go do that.”
I Like You the Most!
- Favoritism – Great care must be taken to show that we do not favor, care, or love one of our children more than the others. Yes, we do need to train and discipline each one differently, but we must not allow any of them to feel “less loved.”
Do These Things…
Let’s now move to the “do’s” of fatherhood. How do we bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord?
Be Tender
- Tenderness – The first “do” is tenderness which is taken from the phrase “bring them up” in Eph 6:4. The idea is to nourish or feed, kindly cherishing our children. Can we be gentle, kind, and affectionate with our children as men? Absolutely! That gentle care models to our children God’s care and love for us as His adopted children. If the God of the Universe can love me and show grace and tenderness to me, then it is completely manly to show the same to our children.
Discipline Them
- Discipline – “The tragedy is that so many men have left this to their children’s mothers.” It can be difficult to step into the discipline process when we get home from work and just want to crash, but our wives need us. It can be difficult to be confident in our role as fathers when we have not been with the kids all day and feel like our wives know them better at that moment. Do it anyway! God has called us to pastor our families. Embrace that role.
Instruct Them
- Instruction – We are to be teaching and training our children to walk with God. We must be:
- Involved in verbally instructing our children.
- Regularly leading them in family devotions and prayer.
- Monitoring and being responsible along with our wives for the input that enters their impressionable minds.
- Taking responsibility to help assure that church is a meaningful experience.
- Above all, we must make sure that the open book of our lives – our example – demonstrates the reality of our instruction, for in watching us they will learn the most.
Two lists – great reminders.
As I think of each one I can think of times of failure and times of success. I pray that God will mold me to be a father that reflects Christ to my children. “Time is the chrysalis of eternity.” This is speaking of the fact that the moments we have with our children will echo into eternity. Am I teaching my children to love God, serve Him, and share Him with others? That is a great reason to “sweat for your children’s souls.” Let’s give up our selfishness and sweat for our kids. Which item do you want to work on most this week men? I challenge you to share one way God spoke to you through this post and uphold each other in prayer.
https://manlytraining.com/2018/01/26/discipline-godliness-destiny/
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Patreon Members:
Patreon allows you to pledge as little as $1 a month, and in return you’ll get some pretty cool rewards, ranging from your name and blog on my MTM VIP page, exclusive content, and PODCAST VERSIONS of my posts!
Just Click here and go to Patreon to start receiving
exclusive material from Manly Training.
We Won’t Change, I Promise.
Manly Training is still going to be EXACTLY what it is now — New Posts every Tuesday and new Podcasts every Monday. Patreon perks are simply that: extra perks!
I have big plans for Manly Training– including a book AND a YouTube channel.
Your pledge will help me continue to put the considerable time and effort into each and every post that makes Manly Training what it is.
So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray every day for each and every one of you who take the time to read my words. You are a blessing.
Thank You!
STAY CONNECTED BY EMAIL. CLICK HERE
© 2017 MANLY TRAINING
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