This is how My Parent’s Marriage Almost Ruined My Marriage!
The first time my husband and I had a disagreement, I thought our marriage was doomed!
In all of the sixty plus years of marriage, I never once saw my parents argue or even have a disagreeable exchange. And that is what I expected my marriage to be; no disagreements and definitely zero arguments.
When it happened again, I became concerned, so I called my mom. After hearing me out, she chuckled, lovingly of course. That is the day I learned the truth about marriage.
She began by apologizing. “We thought we were doing the right thing…what was best for the children and later you find out how wrong you were.”
She continued, “Your father and I had disagreements, but we waited to talk about it after we put you to bed.” You waited! Patience and self-control? That concept was, and is difficult for me.
Naturally, in that era, it wasn’t appropriate to air out your dirty laundry or have a harsh exchange of words in front of people, especially a wife to her husband. Not such a bad concept, is it?
Thank You Mom and Dad
I profusely thanked my mom and dad for creating such a peaceful, respectful, considerate, and loving home for us. With a few modifications, I made every attempt to create a similar atmosphere for our sons.
The one change was that I decided to let our sons see that people had disagreements. I also let them see how you work through them in a respectful and discreet manner, which often included an apology.
Thanks mom and dad!
Here are few etiquette tips to consider that can help a marriage or relationship maintain or bring back respect and consideration:
- Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you.’ Not only to your spouse, but to your children as well.
- Decide in advance how each of you will manage anger. Respect each other’s strategy.
- Don’t let yourself go completely. Shower regularly and freshen your breath, especially if you’re in the mood for love.
- Put the toilet seat and lid down. No, not because you are giving-in, but for sanitary reasons. When you flush, the swirling water ejects droplets full of waste. Psst, don’t tell her, just do it; she’ll love you for it.
- Don’t speak ill of her parents (even if they are awful people), especially in front of the children.
- If birthdays, anniversaries, etc. are important to her/him, do whatever it takes to remember.
- Send a card through the mail (the effort is impressive). Or leave a note next to the coffee pot once in a while.
- Never use him/her as the brunt of a joke. It is hurtful and shows lack of respect.
- People say, “Don’t go to bed mad.” Nice, but not realistic. I say, “Don’t go to bed angry or with hateful words.” Mad, we can deal with.
- Give each other genuine compliments. Say, “I love you” regularly.
- My favorite (Another piece of advice from my mom): “Keep what happens in your marriage private. There are things between you and your husband that should never be shared. It is what makes and keeps a marriage special and intimate.” I have followed that advice.
If you’ve fallen into a rut and the above tips seem overwhelming or just awkward, start with one. And, do not expect anything in return, it will just happen over time.
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, Social Skills, Communication Skills, Business Etiquette Expert, Media Source, and author of “Don’t Burp in the Boardroom.” Trained in Sexual Harassment & Business Ethics. Presentations are available to support HR policies and harassment compliance, address concerns, or to avert potential inclinations – Up and coming managers – Millennials – Interns – New-hire orientation process – Professional development events or conferences – College/university students.
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